


Home, sweet home

by Vinushuka



Series: One year with Apocalyptica [11]
Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:35:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4829333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a great relief to return home after six weeks recording session in Nashville but being at home has it's challenges, too. Perttu struggles to find balance with his work as a composer and personal life. The constant fear of losing Eicca to Patrik doesn't make things any easier...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunion with Anna

## Reunion with Anna (1)

       I must say I’d never had so contradictory feelings about returning home as I had this time. When our plane touched the runway surface at Helsinki-Vantaa airport and started slowly rolling towards one of the entrance tubes, I didn’t know what I wanted. I was dying for some alone time but simultaneously wanting desperately to meet Anna and the little thing she was carrying inside her. I felt exhausted and torn apart.

      We would have approximately two months break before our next gig, The 70000 Tons of Metal cruise at Caribbean. Of course that didn’t mean that we would have a holiday. We had an opera to compose and lots of tasks to complete in finalizing and promoting our new album Shadowmaker. But we were at home, and that made a difference.

      Anna insisted to meet me at the airport, so I knew I could satisfy my need to see her right away. The alone time would have to wait. The last time I saw her was like ages ago. I was back then a different man, wrapped around myself and my career. Working intensively with the band for more than a month had welded us together as a team unlike anything before and made me to forget my personal aspirations for a while. Anna’s pregnancy had forced me to rethink the future. It wasn’t anymore just me, it was us, Perttu, Anna and the baby and of course Apocalyptica. How on earth was I going to fit all these pieces of my life together?

      All my doubts vanished into thin air when I spotted Anna’s tall, redheaded figure waiting for me at the exit hall. Her warm smile and mesmerizing eyes made my insides melt. I rushed over to her and grabbed her into my arms forgetting everything around us. It was just us, finally holding each other, feeling the touch of our bodies and the safety of each other’s arms.  I don’t know for how long we stood there locked in our embrace, but finally I heard Eicca’s familiar voice behind my back.

“Hi Anna! Nice to see you again. You look flourishing! I hope you don’t mind but I will have to steal your man from you again on next Monday. We have work to do with Indigo.”

“No, I don’t mind. Though he may be a bit tired when I’m done with him”, Anna snickered and squeezed my bottom. Obviously pregnancy didn’t have an adverse effect on her sexuality, rather vice versa.

“I’m never tired as you all know”, I added and gave a kiss on Anna’s forehead.

“We’ll see about that”, Anna replied tightening her grip of my behind.

\----

       “How’s your house project proceeding?” I asked when we were driving towards Anna’s old apartment in Rajatorppa.  I held my hand on her thigh, the only place I could safely touch without disturbing her driving. But I had to touch her. The need to feel her physically close to me was almost overwhelming.

“The renovation of the kitchen and the living room will be completed next week. I will move to Espoo at the beginning of December. It will be nice to spend Christmas at a new home”, she explained and gave me a quick sideways glance. “I hope you can spare some time for the move and I’d like you to spend Christmas with us.” With that she tapped her very thin looking belly a mysterious smile on her lips. I moved mine on top of her hand.

“Hello there, I’m your daddy Perttu. Nice to meet you!” I said to the baby. “I can’t see anything yet”, I told Anna and rubbed her belly.

“No, you can’t, but I can feel it” she whispered.

      Anna’s apartment was full of cardboard boxes where she had packed all that wasn’t absolutely necessary for everyday living. Her water bed was still intact. Actually we didn’t need anything more. We took a quick shower and after that dived into the depths of the huge bed clinging to each other like maniacs.

“Oh my God! Your breasts are absolutely gorgeous!” I breathed after I had cupped my hands around them.

“Yeah, I like them too. And I love this one!” she hissed into my ear holding my dick firmly in her hand. “I’d like to have it inside me for the next two days. Is that okay?”

“Yes, that’s okay” I admitted, turned her back against me and pushed myself into the warm depths of her body. I was home at last!


	2. From euphoria to disappointment

## From euphoria to disappointment (2)

       Although I and Anna spent most of the weekend making love, eating and sleeping, we also did some serious talking about our future. I wasn’t going to move in with Anna. I needed my privacy and a place to work alone or with Eicca. The undeniable fact was that we had scheduled tours all over the world next year, in South and North America, Australia and Europe plus numerous gigs in Finland during the summer. I could spend only a very limited time with Anna during her pregnancy and after the baby was born. I hated the idea that I wasn’t there when she needed me the most. Luckily we would stay mostly in Finland during the summer months so maybe I could be present when the baby was born.

      Anna understood my situation very well and assured me that she could manage alone and with the support of her friends and relatives. She didn’t harbour any unrealistic dreams of normal family life with me. But what did I dream of? The thought of being a father was at first horrifying, but gradually I had become accustomed to the idea. If Eicca had managed to raise up two fine young men, why couldn’t I. The thought of spending my old age alone without a family wasn’t tempting either. The one thing I was sure about was that fitting together the requirements of family life and band life required lots of planning and organizing.

      I must admit I was tired when we started to work with Indigo on Monday. Eicca showed up in my apartment at 9:00 o’clock sharp on Monday morning. He looked a bit tired, too. I let him in and hung his leather jacket on a peg in the hall.

“How’s your family doing…. and Patrik?” I asked a bit hesitantly.

“Well, you know Kirsi. She’s like a pocket rocket”, Eicca smiled appreciating his wife’s active grip on life. “And the boys are growing up fast. Patrik was like a different man now that he’s got this new job. He’s travelling to Japan next week.”

I felt a surge of relief when I heard his last comment. We could concentrate on our work without disturbances from him.

      We had an intensive three hours composing session after which I felt both physically and mentally exhausted. I prepared a quick lunch for us, a ready-made vegetable soup and sandwiches, and we sat down at the kitchen table to enjoy that in peace and quiet.  When we stood up to clear the table, Eicca grabbed my arm and gazed me with his lovely grey eyes.

“Would you like to make love with me? It’s been a while since we had some quality time together.” He raised his other hand and stroke my cheek with his fingers. Then he released my hair from the haphazard ponytail I had tied it into and spread it on my shoulders. “There, that’s better”, he smiled and started hauling me into the bedroom without waiting for my answer. I followed him obediently, pleased that he still wanted me. This thing with Patrik had made me doubt that.

      Having Eicca inside me was something special. His heavy, strong body made me feel safe and fragile at the same time. I knew he would never hurt me intentionally but sometimes he had difficulties in controlling his passion. This was one of those times. Our lovemaking was fierce and very close to causing physical pain.

“I’m sorry, was I was too harsh on you?” he whispered when he saw tears running down my cheeks. His blond hair tickled my cheek when he gazed down at me.

“No, I’m just so happy to have you back. I thought I had lost you forever.” I confessed. I could tolerate some physical pain but not the thought of losing him again.

      In the middle of our lovemaking I noticed that Eicca was wearing his angel wing pendant again. I wanted to ask him, how and why he had got it back, but I didn’t have the courage to do that. Maybe he would tell me later on. Anyway, when we were dressing up, I hugged him and caressed his chest and the pendant with my fingers. I wanted him to know that I had noticed it.

      We continued our work all afternoon until Eicca took a quick glance at his watch.

“I promised to have dinner with Patrik tonight. I think we should call it a day.”

His words were like a punch in my gut. The plunge from the euphoria of our lovemaking to the disappointment of Eicca spending the night with Patrik was so painful that it made me feel sick. I jumped off from my chair and hurried to the bathroom close to throwing up. I stared myself at the mirror above the sink wondering If I was already too old and worn out for Eicca. Was my hair thinning out and the dark shadows under my eyes growing permanent?

“Are you okay?” I heard Eicca’s voice behind the door.

“Yeah, I’m just a little tired”, I called him and washed my face before I stepped out to meet him.

“You should really sleep more”, Eicca smiled and gave me a warm hug. “I need you and your sharp wits again tomorrow. Take care!” he added and closed the door behind him. I remained standing in the hall trying to control my tears.  Maybe I really was too tired and overreacting every time Patrik was mentioned.  I should stop worrying and do as he said; get some sleep.


	3. Indigo

## Indigo (3)

      I felt much better next morning although I had during the night some nasty dreams, where Eicca was making love with Patrik. He looked absolutely stunning with his long hair spreading over the pillows in Eicca’s embrace. I remembered vividly the night I saw him in the restaurant with Eicca. I had wanted him. I couldn’t blame Eicca of wanting him too. But soon Patrik would be far away and everything would return back to normal.

      The doorbell interrupted my thoughts. It was Eicca, looking much perkier than yesterday.

“How are we doing here? Did you get some sleep last night? I should advise Anna to leave you alone for a while. She’s wearing you out.”

I let Eicca finish his rant, grabbed then his face into my hands and gave him a wet kiss.

“I feel much better now, thanks to your advice. How was your evening with Patrik?”

The question slipped out before I had time to consider it. Eicca frowned and reached out for my hand.

“You should stop worrying about him. I’m not the right man for him for obvious reasons. I’m too old and busy with Apocalyptica, my family and you. I told him he should forget me and find a new relationship. He has plenty of opportunities in his new job and maybe even in Japan. We concluded our relationship last night. We are still friends, nothing more.”

      I stood there in front of Eicca without knowing what to say. One part of me was ashamed of doubting him, the other part was screaming of joy after winning this competition.

“I’m sorry that I doubted you. I love you and love sometimes make you do stupid things.”

”I know”, Eicca replied probably referring to his own obsession with Franky. He stepped closer and grabbed me into his arms. “Do you feel like working now or would you like to do something else?”

I would have preferred the something else but I was a bit sore after yesterday so I pulled myself together and proposed working. And work we did.

      Composing an opera was an enormous challenge for both of us. Eicca had composed the music for Wagner Reloaded back in 2013 and I had composed some classical pieces like Beautiful, but a whole opera was in completely different ballpark. After working for so long with Shadowmaker anchored deep in metal and rock, classical repertoire brought welcome change to our lives. Besides, working with Eicca was fun and inspiring.

      We would have to complete the opera by mid-January, well before our Caribbean cruise. Taking into account that we had also Shadowmaker to finalize and Christmas to celebrate, we were going to be busy. But what the heck, that’s life!


	4. The move

## The move (4)

       I spent the rest of the week working with Indigo, but for the weekend I had other plans. I had promised to help Anna with the move preparations and getting her new household up and running after that. She had rented a moving van and a bunch of strong guys to load the van and transport her belongings to her new address. Her waterbed required special measures; the mattress would have to be emptied, folded and transported properly and then refilled again. The fact that her bedroom was located in the second floor of the house gave some additional flavor to the mattress carrying operation. Thanks to Anna’s meticulous planning we had all her belongings in Espoo by Saturday evening and her waterbed filled with water in upstairs bedroom.

      We had just spread the sheets in her bed and were laying the bedclothes ready for the night when Anna suddenly straightened her back and rushed into the toilet next to the bedroom. She didn’t say anything but I could see a flash of horror on her face. I sat on the bed waiting for her to come out.

“Is something wrong?” I finally called when nothing happened.

“I’m bleeding”, I heard her faint voice.

I jumped up just when she opened the door looking pale.

“Is the bleeding heavy? Should we call an ambulance?” I asked horrified by the thought that we might be losing the baby.

“I’m not bleeding very much. I think I should call the hospital and ask for advice”, she replied sounding very calm although she must be panicking inside. “Can you pick up my cell from downstairs?”

We both laid on the bed while Anna talked with a midwife in the hospital maternity ward. Anna explained her situation and seemed to relax when she heard the midwife’s comments.

“What did she tell you?” I asked as soon she had finished her call.

“She told me that small bleeding is quite common during the first three months. I should just rest and come for a check-up if the bleeding doesn’t stop”, Anna explained looking very relieved.

“Huh, that scared the shit out of me”, I sighed and folded my arms around Anna.

“Me too. This is my only chance to be a mother”, Anna whispered and caressed my hair with her fingers. “But now we can have some quality time with each other”, she smirked and let her other hand slide down my side to the front of my jeans. “I probably can’t make love right now, but I can make you come”, she mumbled and slipped her hand inside my jeans folding her fingers around the little guy.

“You’re an impossible woman! We have an emergency here and all you can think about is my dick”, I retorted Anna playfully.

“Well, the best way to recover from a crisis is to do something nice and entertaining. Making you come is entertaining to me”, she explained and crawled down to open my belt and remove the jeans.

This woman was really killing me. When her lips enclosed around the head of my dick and I felt her tongue caressing it, I forgot all my worries and just let it go. The climb towards the climax was slow and wonderful, making my mind float into unforeseen realms of my internal universe. When I finally erupted into her mouth, I felt like I was reborn as a man and a father. This was how it should be…

      We slept the night in each other’s arms exhausted by the long day and the fright Anna’s bleeding had caused. In the morning I got up early and sauntered downstairs to make us some breakfast.  I had slight difficulties in finding what I needed but I eventually managed to make us a decent meal with coffee, toast, boiled eggs and yoghurt.

      Anna sneaked downstairs probably after smelling the coffee. She hugged me from behind. “I’m not bleeding anymore”, she announced and sat down at the living room table looking happy and satisfied. She had every reason to be happy. The house had been thoroughly renovated; the huge living room had a new fireplace and the kitchen had been completely rebuilt with modern cabinets and kitchen appliances. There was plenty of room here for the child and also for me, if I wanted to stay for a longer period.

“You should still be careful today. No lifting or carrying of heavy things”, I insisted knowing that Anna would do exactly that if I didn’t help her today.

“I’m feeling quite okay now and I’m not made of glass”, she replied glancing around her. “Besides there’s a huge amount of work before all this has found its proper place”, she pointed at the numerous boxes standing in the middle of the living room floor.

“Let’s do together what we can today. I can take care of all the heavy stuff if you just tell me which things belong where”, I proposed. I didn’t mind having some physical exercise – composing an opera required some counterweight.

      On Sunday evening the living room already started to look like a home. We lit a fire in the fireplace and enjoyed evening tea on the couch kissing and cuddling each other. I realized that I hadn’t thought about my work or Patrik the whole day. I was relaxed and tired in a good way.

      I had been planning to ask Anna about her Japanese studies and Patrik, but forgot all about it when we arrived back to Finland. It came back to me when Anna told me that she would have to register for the spring term of her Japanese studies during next week.

“Eicca mentioned that you and Patrik are actually class mates. How come it never came up in our discussions?” I wondered. “I understood that you were very concerned about Patrik’s relationship with Eicca. Why didn’t you ask Patrik yourself what was going on?”

“He didn’t come to the classes and he didn’t want to talk with me”, Anna replied blushing slightly.

I could see from her eyes that this topic was sensitive to her.

“Is there something I should know about Patrik and you?” I finally asked when she obviously wasn’t going to tell me anything more.

“Well, yes. We were lovers for a short while before I met you”, Anna confessed. “I didn’t know he was gay before he told me himself. Since that we’ve been friends. But after falling in love with Eicca he refused to talk to me. I was dead worried about him when he lost his job. He took it very badly.

“It sounds like you still care about him a lot”, I whispered remembering suddenly Nashville and the horrible day when Eicca left me for Franky. The flashback was so genuine that I felt again the cold and paralyzing fear spread inside my body.

“Of course I care about him, but I could be his mother. I hope he finds the man of his dreams someday soon”, Anna replied and raised her hand to caress my cheek. I could see love and tenderness in her eyes. She wasn’t going to leave me for Patrik. “By the way, I asked him to be the godfather of our child. I hope you don’t mind. He was glad to accept the task.”

Somehow I wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of Patrik hanging around with Anna and the baby, but I kept my mouth shut. She needed her support network because I wasn’t always there. If Patrik was willing to help, then be it. I wasn’t going to complain.

“No, not at all. He’s a fine young man”, I replied and kissed Anna’s cheek.


	5. After the Christmas dinner

## After the Christmas dinner (5)

      Even though the weeks before Christmas were going to be busy, one get-together of the whole band would definitely be arranged: the traditional Christmas dinner. Eicca had taken the habit of organizing this party as the leader and as the most sociable person in our team. Unfortunately Franky couldn’t make it this time. He had other engagements back home.

       I was kind of expecting that Anna would participate as she was our assistant but she declined saying that she was too tired for partying. I knew that her nausea had been steadily getting worse, so I didn’t even try to persuade her to join us. It was just us boys and Eicca’s family.

       I had been too busy with Eicca and Anna to pay attention to Mikko’s needs and my conscience was blaming me for that. Every time we talked over the phone he assured me that he was doing fine and that my top priority now was working with Eicca. So we never actually met during the three weeks that passed between our homecoming and the Christmas dinner.

      It wasn’t until I sat at the dinner table beside Mikko that I realized how much I had missed his crazy humor and sharp wits. He had the skill of making me laugh. I was just giggling to one of his naughty jokes when I suddenly felt his hand on my thigh.

“Would you like to spend the night with me? We could go to my place after this”, he whispered in my ear and gazed me his grey-green eyes full of longing.

Mikko’s straightforward proposal surprised me. I happened to glance at Eicca, who was sitting at the opposite side of the table slightly left from us. He was gazing directly at me with a faint smile on his lips. Was he aware what was going on?

“Sure, why not”, I replied trying to look casual. I didn’t want anybody to notice how eager I was to accept his invitation.

      The rest of the evening was frustrating for probably both of us. I was dying to be alone with Mikko and he obviously longed for me. So it was a relief when we stood up from the table and thanked our hosts for a wonderful dinner. After that we still hung around for a while talking about our Christmas plans and the rehearsal period before our Caribbean cruise.

      I was almost too excited when we finally said our goodbyes and called a taxi to take us to Mikko’s place. He was babbling this and that during our ride to make me feel relaxed. I sat quietly beside him my mind swirling with the memories of our last encounters.

“Did you tell Eicca about this?” I finally asked to break the silence.

“Well, sort of. I told him that I needed to review some of my new ideas with you before I proceed any further with them.”

“Was that just a hoax or are you really going to show me something?” I asked feeling curious. I loved Mikko’s fresh approach to music and the way we could work together complementing each other’s talents.

“What do you think I’ve been doing all this time while you’ve been busy with Eicca? There’s plenty of stuff I will have to show you, but I’m not sure if we have the time to do it tonight”, he snickered and squeezed my hand.

      I had visited Mikko’s home only a couple of times before this and never under these circumstances. He was a very private person and didn’t like entertaining people at his home. This was therefore a very special occasion for both of us.

“Ok, welcome to my humble abode”, he said pointing with his hand towards his spacious apartment that was actually very far from humble. The living room had modern design furniture and abstract paintings on the otherwise white walls. One side of the room was occupied by a very large flat screen TV home theatre combination. Beside it stood an expensive looking electric piano and a rack full of electronics.

“Hmmm, are you setting up your own home studio here?” I asked my curiosity arising.

“No, but I like to experiment with all kinds of new sounds. I will show you later what I’ve been up to”, Mikko explained. “Would you like to have tea or juice before we go to bed?”

“Tea would be nice”, I replied and strolled after Mikko to check out his kitchen. It was also completely new with shining white cabinets and modern kitchen appliances. ”When did you have this installed? It looks really nice”, I complimented feeling a bit envious of his cooking facilities.

“I had a need to renew many things in my life after I admitted to myself that I was in love with you”, Mikko confessed. “I had the kitchen installed while you were still at Nashville. I had to do something to keep me from dying of longing.”

“I’m sorry that things are so complicated with me. But let’s not worry about it now. Tonight is ours”, I said trying to lighten the serious atmosphere.

      We enjoyed our tea and took a shower together after that. Mikko grabbed my hand and led me to his bedroom looking a bit smug. “This is especially for you”, he announced when he opened the bedroom door. A king sized double bed filled most of the space. I walked over to the bed and slumped on it just to feel its luxurious softness.

“Do you mean that you bought this just because of me?” I wondered tapping the bed with my hand.

“In a way, yes, I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable here and my old bed was a hopeless mess already”, Mikko admitted and pushed me playfully on my back.

“I’m starting to feel really special”, I purred and pulled at Mikko’s hand to make him lie down beside me. Mikko turned on his side and started slowly caressing my lips with his finger.

“Can I kiss you now?” he whispered.

      I don’t remember if I managed to reply to his question because his lips were suddenly all over my face.  They devoured my skin and mouth making speaking impossible. I had never before been kissed like that. Time seemed to come to a standstill when we sunk together into the world of passionate lips, tongues and mouths.

“You can make me come almost by kissing” I mumbled into his ear when he had left my lips alone and was biting my shoulder instead. My dick was throbbing of desire and I was ready to beg for relief. He had avoided touching my manhood before this, but now he folded his fingers around it and squeezed lightly.

“Maybe I should kiss this for a change”, he murmured and crawled down to do it.

“Oh please”, was all I could whimper when I felt his lips closing around my dick. I was far too excited to last very long his passionate caresses.  With a long, suffocated moan I shot his mouth full of my sperm. He swallowed everything and returned then to lay by my side while I was still floating in the seventh heaven my eyes shut. I felt his hand travelling gently all over my body, especially on my tattoos.

“You are the most beautiful human being I know”, he whispered his voice strained. When I opened my eyes I saw tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Please don’t cry. I’m just a skinny, long haired guy playing cello”, I comforted him.

“I know and I love him more than anything”, Mikko replied and wiped away his tears.


End file.
